30 Aug How to Deal with an Office Soapboxer
Have you ever walked down the street and encountered a squawking, sermonizing windbag shouting to everyone about how they should live their lives? How about the bullhorn-blaring corner preacher? And the all-knowing, sign-wearing doomsday prophet roaring about government conspiracies?
This is called soapboxing, a term stemming from an era when a person would literally stand on a soapbox crate as a stage and scream to the world that he or she knew the right way — the only way — to do anything. Fortunately, on the street you can simply walk by the modern-day version and escape the diatribe.
But what if you couldn’t? What if you had to work with that person? What if that person is you?
At work, a soapboxer tends to be utterly convinced that his or her view is the only view — and vocalizes it. Being near such a person can be unpleasant, annoying, and antagonizing. Trying to work with one, especially during a group task, can be alienating and incredibly unproductive. A soapboxer can elevate tensions to point of completely destroying the rapport of a well-functioning group.
You don’t want to be in a room with a person like that. Even more, you don’t want to be that person. So here are some ways to deal with both situations — starting with how to recognize if you’ve got one foot (or both) on the box.
Talk to, not at. Soapboxing has absolutely nothing to do with hearing or listening. It is a declarative form of speaking. This doesn’t just stand in contrast to the collaborative intent of group decision making; it is in opposition to it. Making proposals is not the same as making pronouncements. If you talk incessantly at and over group members, you’re telling them you do not value them or their perspectives. “Talking at” is dictation. “Talking to” is conversation — what a group discussion is supposed to be.
Watch the toes. Have you ever had someone step on your foot? It hurts, doesn’t it, especially when they don’t have the courtesy or consideration to apologize? This is what happens when people pompously talk out of their area of expertise or beyond the role of participation they are asked to contribute. So don’t step on other people’s toes. Imposing unsolicited and uninvited opinions in a forceful manner is a sure way to offend others, and eventually it can lead to your marginalization within the group.
Don’t beat a dead horse. Soapboxers keep pounding on the chest of an issue well after it has been pronounced dead, the funeral has been held, the hymns have been sung, and everyone has left the grave site. Make a habit of doing this and you’ll be left standing alone while the other members of your group move on with the real-life concerns of making or executing a decision. If you want to appeal the group’s decision, or if you have a concern that the group is making a mistake, request a short meeting with the leader of the group to speak up one last time — and then put it to rest.
Broker it. The more you assert your perspective, the more irritation you’ll provoke. Conflict courts enemies, not allies. Group pushback can actually be a moment for conversion, if you redirect your approach. So ask, don’t tell. A question is an invitation for consensus. Ask what aspects of your proposal are problematic for the group. Incorporate their concerns, modify your solution, and reduce their discomfort of risk. Narrowly focus your perspective on an aspect of the decision to be made, not its entirety. This will demonstrate that you are accommodating, not domineering and dismissive. The windfall: People will incorporate your perspective into the group’s focus while regarding you as a team player.
Take their order. When you go to a restaurant, you expect to be served by an accommodating waiter who is more than willing to explain the menu and help you make a decision about selections for an enjoyable meal. What you don’t expect is someone who comes to the table and yells at you about what you should eat. That would no doubt prompt you to leave and never return.
So be accommodating. Instead of bullhorning your opinion to an alienated and irritated audience, try ingratiating your presentation. Point out and explain nuances that help others see the convincing cause of your solution. Start by asking group members to write their main goals on a whiteboard. Next, innovate and demonstrate to them how your solution addresses each of their objectives. If you find ways for many goals to be supported, people will rally around your solution. If you cannot find ways to support their goals, accept that your solution isn’t a winner. The same can be done with another person’s solutions until the right method is agreed upon.
What should you do if you work with a frequent soapboxer? First, know that they probably either lack the self-awareness to realize they are perceived this way or they are intentionally soapboxing to get their way. Don’t expect them to behave in a collaborative way. Instead, do the following:
- Stay focused on your perspective, and keep the group’s collective focus on the main topic. Doing this will reduce the likelihood that you will be emotionally triggered and diverted by conflict. Clearly state your views to stay grounded and clear-minded.
- Present an example of decorum for the other group members follow.
- Remain purpose-driven about the decision to be made.
If the soapboxer tries to reclaim the stage, shut it down with a direct rebuttal: “We heard about that point, and now we are considering others.”
This person may claim to have the support of someone who isn’t in the room. Don’t accept this. More than likely, it is a strategic bluff for validation, a duped concession by the other person who lacks clarifying information, or a caving in by the other person who just wanted to end the annoyance. Offset any such claims by reconfirming the groups’ decision-making independence, direct person-to-person input, and group conversation.
The conference room isn’t a stage for proselytizing your team members. And it isn’t a legislative chamber to filibuster their intentions. If you want to declare to the world how right you are, pick any street corner and start squawking. If you want to prove you can make a valued contribution to the decision-making process of your group, show mutual respect.
Source: Hbr.org